Saturday, September 4, 2010

Our Local Bar Scene

Once upon a time there was a great dive bar called Hangar 57, or "the Hangar". Cheap beer, the best pizza in town and a tall, dark and one-legged bartender. However, the owner apparently drank the business into the ground, or gave all the profits to his skank girlfriend, because it got repossessed closed down a few months ago.
And there was much sadness in the land.

The loyal patrons (myself, Secret Agent Man, and our sidekicks Tornado Tom, El Jefe (or the Hedgehog as he is sometimes known) and the Engineer, started a quest to find a replacement for the Best Dive Bar in town.

The search was far and wide over the Land, which means we started right next door at a place called the Wild Weasel. It was a disappointment: it is not wild, and there are no weasels (although they do have a great steak n bake special on Wednesdays and all you can eat Maui ribs on Thursdays). The beer was fine and the bar wenches satisfactory but the atmosphere was not appropriately dive-bar-ey enough for us.

So we tried another bar, called The Park Inn. Again, the name is a misnomer: there is no Park or Inn involved, it is just a dive bar with so-so pizza. But the beer is cheap, the bartender wears gaudy Hawaiian shirts, and they have awesome jo-jo's with bacon and cheese. We have been back there several times. It is fairly dim in there, which we like as we try to discourage any recognition of Secret Agent Man, if at all possible.
He is sometimes mistaken for Jon Lovitz which irritates the crap out of him.
Unless it gets him free drinks.
Which has happened.
In Vegas.

same same

But I digress.

We have also tried the Northern Lights brewery - hottest damn chicken wings we've ever eaten. But, not a dive bar. And no pizza.
And the Post Street Ale House - a little pricey, but good wings and deep fried pickles. Yes, I said deep fried pickles, don't knock it til you've tried it. But still, not a dive bar.
We tried the Flying Goat, which has hoity toity pizza and expensive beer, but- alas - no goats, flying or otherwise.

We tried South Perry Pizza, which had great pizza and good beer on tap. No atmosphere to speak of, but they are in an old car repair business so they can open the roll up doors. I would go back, and in fact have gone back for carry out pizza. Mmmm.

This week we went to Stadium Pizza. It actually is, as it's name suggests, near a sports stadium that the high schools use. It is also a dive bar, though there is regular restaurant seating available adjacent to the bar area. (Also dive-ey.) The pizza was not bad. The beer was cold and cheap. The bar wench was skinny and surly, if you like that sort of thing. And apparently it was music night at Stadium! Bonus!
Of course, by music night, I'm talking about the drunk at the end of the bar with a harmonica. He could actually sort of play, but - although he was in key with the juke box - he was clearly not playing the same song. It was entertaining for all of 2 minutes. Then it got old. And loud.
But then it got better! Some guy showed up with a crappy p.a. system for karaoke! Yea! Karaoke Guy's repertoire was mostly old Neil Diamond songs, but he enhanced it with some old Lionel Ritchie stuff, too.
Tornado Tom graced us with some Bob Seger that wasn't half bad, but the true highlight of the evening was -not the old drunk coot who spoke/sang "Pancho and Lefty"- but the stocky young man with the awesome porn 'stache from the other end of the bar who sang a rousing rendition of "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead". He totally rocked it!

The next night we went to a local dueling piano joint called Gibliano Brothers. As far as I know there is no one there named Gibliano, nor is anyone related to anyone else. There also were no actual swords involved. Bummer.

But it is fun and they have good nachos. And drinks called fun things like Sex on the Piano and G Spot (Southern Comfort, Chambord and OJ...mmmm).
We went with different friends of ours this time, since it is not a quest for a dive bar, but a quest for fun with pianos. Last time we went Secret Agent Man requested "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald - upbeat" which they played! It was cool.
They give you little slips of paper to make your requests, put your name and what your tip is. SAM usually writes things like "don't do electrical work in the rain" or "Lucky Lady in the 3rd" and on.
It was fun, but it would have been more fun if the table next to us had not brought their own stripper along. Boy was she hammered. I kept expecting her to take her shirt off. And if her bump and grind routine to any random stranger on the dance floor was not bad enough, some idiot then requested the piano guys play Save a Ho, Ride a Pole Dancer "Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy". I almost lost my nachos.
** shudder **

Overall it was a fun evening. I am, however, looking forward to our next attempt at finding the perfect dive bar/pizza place. If we can find the right combination of atmosphere, cheap beer, good pizza and surly waiters - there will be much rejoicing.


  1. Hey, no comment. ;( Okay. you'll get possibly two from me now.

    I LOVE Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead! Enjoy your quest for the perfect dive!

  2. I loved this journey to find the perfect dive bar. My straight laced but sometimes weirdly odd husband partook (is that a word) in his first karaoke adventure while we were staying in OKC this week. A gal at the end of the bar (NOT skinny/skanky) begged him to be her partner. I begged him to be her partner too and then she quickly stated it was only the singing part she was interested. They partook of the karaoke madness and I laughed my butt off. The next day he kept repeating......"it was only a dream. It never happened". ha.....he wishes!!

  3. HA! I was hoping that you found one, but looks like the journey goes on...

  4. I would love to have a place where everybody knows my name, and they're always glad I came. And they had cheap beer and good food.

  5. I really enjoyed this post. The search for the best dive bar - the epic quest. A saga! LOL. But certainly very cool. I actually prefer the dive bars too - the mom/pop bar with the nutso patrons. Can't beat it.

    P.S. Free drinks in Vegas is cool.

  6. Dive bars are great. Just watch out for townies.


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