What's with...

...people thinking they are invincible and invisible when they are surrounded by a few thin sheets of metal, four rubber tires and some glass? I have seen idiots people in these:

and these:

going 80 mph and whizzing in and out of traffic like they think they are actually in one of these:

Seriously. What's with that? You may be the world's best driver, no tickets, no accidents, no rock chips in that windshield of yours, but what about the guy next to you? All it takes is one stupid move on the part of you or any one of the other morons people on the road with you and BAM! there's one of these:

Wake up and smell the espresso people! You are making my commute in the morning a life threatening event on a daily basis. My thought process when I see one of you jerks is something like this:
"You dumb ass!
What the hell are you doing?
What the...???
LOOK OUT!
I hope you don't kill some innocent person when you wreck that shiny new car of yours.
Asshole."

Is that wrong of me?

I don't know. Having survived a horrific 6 car pile up a few years back (the driver who caused it all was driving a borrowed car with no license, next to no insurance, and was high as a frickin' kite. She sent 3 people [including me] to the hospital; I lost my job, my car, my boyfriend [well, okay, that was a blessing!] and my apartment. Oh yah, and she had her 2-year old son in the car, no seat belt...) I have no sympathy for idiot, moron drivers.
Sue me.

I saw some guy a couple days ago, texting while he was driving, coffee in one hand (that does take talent, I'll admit) with a laptop on his lap!!!

What's with that?!?

And on top of that - What's with drivers who think they are invisible, even though they are surrounded by...wait for it!... windows!?

I'm sure I have done my share of car stereo karaoke. I mean, I used to be in a band for pete's sake, and my practice time was little and far between so I made the most of it. However - I hardly threw my head around like I was auditioning for American Idiot Idol. I have seen people (usually girls) gyrating behind the wheel like their life depends on it. Like all they need is a stripper pole and they would be on the way to winning some loser talent show! Really? Your playlist is that good?
Huh. Well, okay.
But how about this?



Seriously.
Today I was on the way home from work and got stopped by a red light. I glanced in my rear view mirror and saw some loser behind the wheel of his red POS truck, "digging for gold". In China. With a backhoe.

Okay, not really - there was no backhoe involved.

But he was up to his second knuckle, I kid you not. And before I really had processed what was going on and could look away, he glanced at what he pulled out of there and then...and then...he ATE IT!

What's with that???? You are stopped at a traffic light! Surrounded by windows! In plain view of everyone else at the light, looking out their windows!

Dude.

Of course, he really was not an attractive guy to begin with. His truck was a piece of crap. He looked like he cut his own hair. There is no doubt in my mind he does not have a girlfriend.

Man, I need to learn to text while I'm driving. Then I would have better things to do than look out my windows.

An Unexpected Call

Wednesday morning, aproximately 9:30.

Me: “Crime Check, what are you reporting?”

Heavily accented Indian male voice: “Yes, my name is Sanjay*. I am calling to you from Mumbai* about your advert.”

(*I couldn't understand what he actually said...)

Me: “I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number. This is a non-emergency number for the police department.”

Caller: “Yes. I am calling to discuss with you a possible proposal for marriage.”

Me: “Sir, you have the wrong number. This is Spokane...Washington State?”

Caller: “Yes, I know I am calling to Washington. I am calling because I like what I saw in your profile on-line and would like to talk to you about possible proposal for marriage.”

Me (trying to be patient): “Sir, you have the wrong number.”

Caller: “Yes. My friend gave to me your number and I look up your profile and your picture, and I like what I see. I want to know if you would be interested in meeting at some future date.”

Me: “Sir, can you understand me?”

Caller: “Yes, yes.”

Me: “Sir, this is the po-lice department, in Spo-kane, Washington. This is not a dating service. I think you have the wrong number. What number are you trying to call?”

Caller: “I don't know, my friend in California gave to me this number.”

Me: “Well, sir, I'm afraid he is either playing a joke on you or you wrote the number down wrong; this is the police department in Spokane.”

Caller: “Oh! Well, I am afraid that someone maybe has been putting me on! I am so sorry! This is the number I was given to call. Who are you? You have been so nice to me, what is your name?”

Me: “My name is Tera (because we are required to give it if people ask)" and for good measure: "with 911 and the police department in Spokane, Washington."

Caller: “Is there another number that I can call you at for maybe a later time?”

Me: (pause) “...I'm sorry?”

Caller: “Yes, I would like to call you for another time to discuss a possible proposal for marriage.”

Me (not trying too hard not to laugh): “I don't think so. You really have a wrong number, sir. I need to hang up now.”

Caller: “Yes. Thank you. I am sorry. Have a nice day.”

click

***Keep in mind this is an abridged version of the conversation. It actually took about 15 minutes. I couldn't understand him at all at first and it took a bit before my ear figured out the accent, plus I was trying to sort out what kind of emergency or issue he might have. I almost got a translator on the line until I figured out what was going on. Then there was about twice the amount of back and forth while he talked to me about the "website profile" and the "proposal of marriage". The sad thing is, I think he was serious! ...maybe I should have asked for a picture first!?

Another Day In My Life at 911

I often sometimes get frustrated by people who call 911 to have the police come out to tell their roommates/boyfriends/sisters (whatever) to let them get their stuff out of the apartment they've just been kicked out of. I often sometimes get frustrated by people who call 911 because their neighbor parks in front of their house. I frequently sometimes get frustrated by people who call 911 to have the police come discipline their kids.

I have to laugh, though, at people who call 911 for stupid dumbass silly reasons.
Like the following: (Once again, I am NOT making this up!)

911: What is your emergency?
Caller: There's a suspicious guy walking down my street.
911: What's he doing?
Caller: Walking down the street.
911: So...how is that suspicious?
Caller: He doesn't live on this street.
911: Does he have any weapons?
Caller: No.
911: Is he hassling people?
Caller: No.
911: Does he seem intoxicated or on drugs?
Caller: No.
911: So why is he suspicious?
Caller: Because he doesn't belong in this neighborhood!
911: ...sigh...


911: What is your emergency?
Caller: There's, like, 30 people over in the park on the baseball diamond.
911: Okay. What are they doing?
Caller: Playing baseball.
911: ...(?) And that's a problem because...
Caller: The parks and recreation guy said the field is only for people under 16 years old.
911: ...sigh...


911: What is your emergency?
Caller: There is a suspicious guy at the gas station.
911: What's he doing that's suspicious?
Caller: He's parked at the gas pump.
911: Um, is he getting gas?
Caller: I don't know, but the gas station's closed.
911: Is it one of those pumps you can pay by card after the station is closed?
Caller: I don't know. You just need to get someone out there.
911: It's not against the law for him to buy gas after dark...
Caller: He shouldn't be there! You just need to get a cop out there!
911: So other than him being there after dark, what else is suspicious about it?
Caller: He's black.
911: Really? You think he's suspicious because he's black? (Yes, I actually asked him that.)
Caller: Yes! Are you sending a f*ing cop or what?!
911: ...sigh...

I think I have a permanent dent in my forehead from banging it against my desk.

Funny Things My Callers Say pt 3.1, 3.2 and 3.3

Just another day in the life at 911. All the callers were "girls".

Caller: I'd like to report an olderly man driving recklessly.

Me: A what?

Caller: An olderly man.

Me: ...okay...
----------------

Caller: I'd like to report a reckless driver on the freeway.

Me: Ok, let me have you to talk to the State Patrol...

WSP: What are you reporting?

Caller: A reckless driver on I90.

WSP: What are they doing?

Caller: Well, I'm going at least 85 and he's totally pulling away from me.
(FYI, our speed limit there is 70 mph)

WSP: Um, you wanna slow it down to 70 ma'am?

Caller: Uh, what?

WSP: You can't go 85 ma'am, and if you do you shouldn't tell me about it.

Caller: Oh. Okay.
------------------

and my personal favorite of the day :

Caller: I'd like to report a lady walking down the street who looks like she having some trouble walking. She might be drunk.

Me: Okay, how old is she?

Caller: She's elderly.

Me: By elderly, what do you mean, 70, 80, 90?

Caller: No, I'd say she looks about 42.

Me: Where are you? I'm gonna come beat you with my cane kick your ass. (No, I did not really say that to her, but I really really wanted to!)

I'm Ba-a-ack!

Whew! What a long week! I was so exhausted every day I (seriously) never even opened my laptop at night to check my email, let alone check and see what you all have been up to. For the next couple days I guess I'm going to be doing some serious catch up!

"So," you ask, all a quiver with anticipation, "what have you been doing all week?"
(Yah, I know, no one really cares, but I'm going to tell you anyway...See, it's my blog. It works like that.)

I was doing interviews.
No, I'm not looking for a new job. Our department is one of the few in our County, in fact, probably one of the few in the State, that is actually hiring right now. (I feel very fortunate most days, no matter how much I sometimes bitch about my job... Seriously, I would have to kill someone really screw up to get fired and I do appreciate that.)
Anyway, one of my newer co-workers and I, along with one of our supervisors, comprised an interview panel for potential new-hires this past week. Five 10-hour days of interviews, 9 people a day. We thought it was going to be "fun." A "nice change of pace." Ha!
It was, I guess, but holy cow! It was really tiring asking the same questions over and over and over and over again and basically getting the same answers from a really wide variety of people.

We met some really neat people, some really smart people, some funny people and some that just made us shake our heads. It seems strange that such a variety would answer almost almost every question exactly the same way.

So I have come away from the experience with some tips for all of you who may be in the market for a new job, or who maybe are forced to be looking for a new job (I am so sorry) after having been away from the application process for a while.
*the story you are about to read is true; only the names have been deleted to protect the innocent.

* Do not come to your interview right after you have eaten lunch in your car. Or fed your child lunch in the car. Or whatever caused you to have what appear to be fresh ketchup and mustard stains on your shirt.

* You don't have to wear a tie, but it is a good idea NOT to have said ketchup and mustard shirt be a rock band souvenir from 1987.

* You don't have to tell me you are nervous. Chances are good I've picked up on that already.

* And while I get that you may be nervous, when the interviewer tells you that they will be taking notes for every applicant so we can keep you separated, it's not a good idea to start singing this under your breath.

* When we're asking you questions, don't start every single answer with "Um. Yah..."

* I realize that you can't be prepared for every question we are going to ask. But don't pause for two minutes while you figure out your answer. Seriously... Two. Full. Minutes.

* Don't try to figure out what it is you think we want to hear. You will be wrong.

* When asked why you want this job, don't say, "Because I want to help people." It's really okay, and more honest, for you to say you like the wages and the benefits. Point of fact: I will respect you more.

* If you are not in the first day of interviews, don't say, "Because I want to help people". I probably will tune out for the rest of your interview. Seriously.

* If I've already asked you why you want this job, and then I ask you what aspects of the job are most appealing to you, do not repeat yourself and say you like that you will be "helping people."

* If we've covered why you want the job and what aspects of the job are appealing to you, and I ask you to list what you think some pros and cons of the job will be, for God's sake do NOT answer "helping people"! Especially if it is Friday. My head will explode and it will be messy.
Not that you'll notice it in with the ketchup and mustard.

* Sometimes I roll my eyes and I am not aware of it. I am sorry.

* Be funny. Especially if you are not in the first day.

* Don't tell me that you are a multi-tasker, and that multi-tasking is part of your job if it isn't. I type while I talk on the phone while I listen to my co-workers to see if anyone else has an accident call while looking up the address in a map book. All at the same time.
So I know that answering the phone, then helping a customer, then finding a product on a shelf, then answering the phone again is not multi-tasking, even if you do it all in the space of five minutes. It's serial mono-tasking, and that's fine. Just be honest.

* If you don't know what multi-tasking is, ask.

* If I ask you what your least promising job is, and you've had more than 2 jobs, but you can't think of something, make one up. (You were a floor scrubber at Arby's or anything.) Otherwise I will think you are lying. Real people hate their jobs. Every friggin' day.

* If I ask you who the most difficult person you ever worked with is and why- if you tell me you get along with everyone, I will think you are lying. Real people hate their co-workers. Every friggin' day. (Especially if they were a floor scrubber at Arby's.)

* Don't fart. Even if you can do it without making a sound. Ever.

* We want people who will most likely stick around for a while. If we ask you what your career goals are, it's probably not a good idea to answer, "Finish my Bachelor's Degree, write a book, travel to Europe, get into foreign politics and start an orphanage." Even if you intend to do just that.

* I can probably tell in the first 2 minutes how you are going to answer the drug and criminal history part of the questions. While it is important to be honest on those questions, my advice is this: if you have an extensive drug and/or criminal history, don't apply for a job in law enforcement.

* And last, but not least, if you know that a polygraph is going to be the next part of the deal, don't lie on the hard questions. I do this for a living, I will probably know.
The polygraph guy will definitely know.

And to all you out there looking for work in these hard times, I wish you the best of luck.

Just make sure you're wearing a clean shirt.